When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
