Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
