Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
