he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
