U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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