Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
