Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
