bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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