i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
