Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
