sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
please come you make the beer taste better
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
