Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
