So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
