Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
