I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
