U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
