booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
