one word: firstdatebathroomanal
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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