I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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