That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
