someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
