i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
