tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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