i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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