You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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