I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
