i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
