shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
