I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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