Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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