Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
