i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
