I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
