its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
