I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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