I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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