No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
