These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
