If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
