Umm I'm too high to move.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my being single is dangerous.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
