i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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