not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
