my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
