I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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