If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
