as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
