She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
