dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
