I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
