we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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