My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
